/* October 31, 2003 */
/* I think my professionalism may need a boost. Just labelled one of the nodes on a Data Flow Diagram "Sound and Fury, signifying nothing".
Hm. */
Hm. */
/* October 30, 2003 */
/* Was going to post a short story fragment here... but it's looking rather like 'tis going to grow into a full short story, so it's not posted yet.
Is about the early history of the Northern Brown Argus. */
Is about the early history of the Northern Brown Argus. */
/* October 26, 2003 */
/* Panic over, I think.
*ahem*
But the decision not to edit archives remains. Possibly I ought to have a "memories" page like LiveJournal provides for "Good Bits", "Bad Bits", and "Crunchy Bits"
Favourite posts, anyone? */
*ahem*
But the decision not to edit archives remains. Possibly I ought to have a "memories" page like LiveJournal provides for "Good Bits", "Bad Bits", and "Crunchy Bits"
Favourite posts, anyone? */
/* October 24, 2003 */
/* [[ update: sure, mod me -1, Redundant. I didn't notice I've written about the archive editing before. I was working from the web site copy, which hadn't been updated since cappy went down. ]]
At the moment, I get the feeling that I have nothing to say to anyone that's worth their listening to. Yes, I realise the irony of posting this on a blog, pretty much the ultimate act of egotism that one can actually have on the web - even - the shame! - with a domain name. Not that it's a very useful or frequented one, so I don't need to feel guilty about that.
On a related note, I've been wondering whether to edit my archives, get rid of the vaste swathes of meaningless whine that have accumulated due to my inability to cope with things. I think not. Not saying that the world needs more rant, but some people find my rants amusing, and for myself it forms a kind of cautionary tale: "this is what you were like, this is what you could be like again, look at him honestly. Isn't he a bastard? Don't allow yourself to be put in this position ever again."
When I was still in love, one of the oddest and scariest thoughts was that somehow that life would continue after - the very concept of "after" was so near meaningless. I was convinced that I would snuff out of existance, just because that was how the story went. Fortunately, any surmise of normality afterwards was wrong. I'm still surprised on occasion by quite how deep the changes run - new phobias, new ways of looking at things, new doubts.
Heh. I don't really get any better, do I. */
At the moment, I get the feeling that I have nothing to say to anyone that's worth their listening to. Yes, I realise the irony of posting this on a blog, pretty much the ultimate act of egotism that one can actually have on the web - even - the shame! - with a domain name. Not that it's a very useful or frequented one, so I don't need to feel guilty about that.
On a related note, I've been wondering whether to edit my archives, get rid of the vaste swathes of meaningless whine that have accumulated due to my inability to cope with things. I think not. Not saying that the world needs more rant, but some people find my rants amusing, and for myself it forms a kind of cautionary tale: "this is what you were like, this is what you could be like again, look at him honestly. Isn't he a bastard? Don't allow yourself to be put in this position ever again."
When I was still in love, one of the oddest and scariest thoughts was that somehow that life would continue after - the very concept of "after" was so near meaningless. I was convinced that I would snuff out of existance, just because that was how the story went. Fortunately, any surmise of normality afterwards was wrong. I'm still surprised on occasion by quite how deep the changes run - new phobias, new ways of looking at things, new doubts.
Heh. I don't really get any better, do I. */
/* October 10, 2003 */
/* There's also the issue of how honest I can be - I've considered editing the old posts here so that the irrelevant is removed but - I think I'm in favour of keeping them. I'm not proud of that period, but it happened, and I can't deny that.
On the other hand -
Now that I'm actually at Uni, it's entirely possible that people will end up reading this, if I ever find anyone who actually finds me interesting. The problem with this is that I cannot post my current thoughts, which are at times tending to the Jimmy [[I don't care - it ought to be an adjective, dammit]] in terms of how I think about people... there are also too many mistakes I've made already.
Oh, and I think several of the more entertaining Issues may be recurring. *wanders off to find some St John's Wort* */
On the other hand -
Now that I'm actually at Uni, it's entirely possible that people will end up reading this, if I ever find anyone who actually finds me interesting. The problem with this is that I cannot post my current thoughts, which are at times tending to the Jimmy [[I don't care - it ought to be an adjective, dammit]] in terms of how I think about people... there are also too many mistakes I've made already.
Oh, and I think several of the more entertaining Issues may be recurring. *wanders off to find some St John's Wort* */
/* October 8, 2003 */
/* Now in Durham.
For those of you who are as paranoid as I am:
'tis OK.
Save for the fact that my nice shiny Ethernet connection in fact doesn't. Yet...
Take a deep breath, and...
....... relax. */
For those of you who are as paranoid as I am:
'tis OK.
Save for the fact that my nice shiny Ethernet connection in fact doesn't. Yet...
Take a deep breath, and...
....... relax. */
return 0;
}
